The inner monologue of a divorced woman
I am a woman who just got out of marriage in March of this year. My family is over forty years old. On the surface, my family looks very good.
Married couples have a successful career. They have their own positions and high economic income in the workplace.
After more than 20 years of hard work and hard work, I just felt relieved. Suddenly, he proposed a divorce.
Unconsciously, a “third party” appeared on the eve of divorce among us, and I almost committed suicide!
It was a sad day that I will never forget in this life, even in this life, even last night. On the evening of July 12, last year, I often used excuses to say that there was entertainment in the evening. The husband who did not go home everyday suddenly came back earlier than usual.: “Let’s get divorced!
I don’t want to live like this anymore. I think I used to be too tired. I used to live for others. I want to live for myself in the second half of my life.
“At that time, my heart sank into the abyss, and I knew that the marriage was over . He pointed out many problems and shortcomings in my marriage, and he said that he could not live with me in the second half of my life!
In the face of this sudden change in emotion, at that moment, I really realized the feeling of “deadness is greater than heart death”, and I even knew what “heart is like death”.
That night, he left his determination to divorce and left.
I was left blank in the empty room.
In the next room, the unsuspecting son fell asleep.
I don’t know why, so coincidental, it was raining that night.
That night, I wanted to commit suicide. There was a serrated knife in the kitchen. It was very sharp. If I cut my wrist, I would be able to solve the problem happily . That knife always appeared in my mind.Looking at the knife in a daze.
Under the light, I started writing a testament to my son.
I picked up the pen and paper and just wrote down two words: “Son .” My vision was blurred, “Mom sorry for you .” I couldn’t write anymore, and the tears wet the testament . I slowly started to turn my mind around, trying to find someone to talk to.
I called a good friend. I just wanted to do something. I didn’t expect her to call me back, but I was really lucky. She quickly called me back.
I picked up the microphone and heard her voice, tears couldn’t help it: “I want to talk to you, my husband is going to divorce me .” She finally came to me, and after seeing me, she caredI looked at me for a long time, I just cried, and she let me cry.
Later she said: “I didn’t expect a woman so smart as you would have such a stupid idea, are you too stupid?
Do you want to die?
“I just cried and didn’t speak.
She continued: “You have no right to ruin your life!
Your life was given to you by your parents. It does not belong to you alone. Your son, your sister, your brother, and me, your friends, these are the people who love you most. You bear it.Abandon them?
Why are you dying?
For a relationship that doesn’t exist?
For a man who no longer loves you?
Is it worth the price you paid?
Marriage is only a part of life. The failure of marriage does not mean the failure of your entire life. You must live and live well!
“I really thank my good friend. The crucial moment was her pure, sincere friendship warmed me, saved me, and made me give up the idea of death.
My son and friends made me realize that time. I couldn’t play my spirits, didn’t show any interest in it, didn’t watch TV, hated sound, hated loud noise and talking.
I am full of sadness all day, and I will cry when I encounter a little unpleasant little thing . And I think all people and things are right with me, so awkward.
My heart is full of grievances and griefs. That stay is the most bleakest and most desperate day in my life. I have no appetite and insomnia all night. I often cannot fall asleep at more than two o’clock in the middle of the night.With the stars.
During that time, I made myself miserable.
In the first days after he filed for divorce, I unknowingly regarded my son as my only spiritual sustenance.
Every day after work, I sit quietly in the room and look forward to my son’s return.
The son is a very mature child, and his thinking is very modern. He always behaves calmly about our divorce.
One night before August 15th, the moon outside was very round and bright, and there were no lights in the room.I was sitting on the bed with my son’s head resting on my lap, talking about his dad’s divorce from me, and talking about how we will live in the future. In the moonlight, I clearly saw two lines of tearsHis eyes rolled down.
I think: Divorce from a parent as a child is the most powerless and painful role.
However, once my son said something to me, I suddenly woke up.
That day, when my son came home from school, I stood in the hall and looked at him again. My eyes and my expression were full of sorrow, loss and love.
My son put down his bag and looked at me and said, “Mom!
I don’t want to go home and see your face every day. I won’t be so pitiful because you and my dad are divorced. There are many people in this society who are divorced, and they are not our family.
Some people are divorced, the conditions are much worse than us, and they have to live.
You don’t have to worry about me all the time, too. The parents of our classmates have divorced too much, so this is nothing.
Think again: Even if my dad divorced you, we can still live with grandparents, and there are no problems in life, housing and finances.
Also, you can’t always rely on others’ sympathy and comfort for you. You should adjust your mood as soon as possible. In fact, you also have many advantages.
I hope to see you happy. In fact, your mood and mood are better, my mood will be better, grandpa and grandma will be better, and our family will be all right.
“After listening to my son’s words, I walked into my room, and I cried again. This tear dilutes the depression, worry and pain in my heart.
It reminded me of my responsibilities and duties. At that moment, I was very moved. I saw hope and I regained confidence.
Adjust yourself, save yourself, and enrich yourself. Fierce social competition has no time for tears.
Once, a friend suggested that I cut off my long hair, saying that you are not in good mental condition, and you are dragging a half-length shawl, and suddenly you have no energy.
I used to have long hair for more than ten years because my husband said that I have long hair.
But this time, I do n’t want to decorate myself for anyone ‘s eyes anymore. I cut off the long hair that has been left for more than ten years, and the result surprised me. In the mirror: a beautiful short hair is just right, the advantages of the face are also prominent,The image of a shrewd and capable woman appeared before me.
Next, I review and examine my marriage as an onlooker.
I just want to find the cause from myself.
Because marriage is a matter between two people, it is definitely my responsibility to have problems with marriage.
Marriage made me from a cheerful, optimistic, kind and enthusiastic girl who likes reading and becoming a meditative, middle-aged woman who is tacky, sullen, temperamental, and bullshit.
There are indeed many shortcomings in me.
But here I would like to quote what Zhang Ailing once said: Women’s shortcomings are caused by the environment.
I asked myself: Why did you become so loving?
Is it because of too much triviality in life?
Why love to persist?
It is because I feel that I have paid too much and hope to get some rewards in my life, even if my husband smiles and compliments, or when I feel bad, I get a word of comfort and persuasion, but these requirements are very luxurious and hard to come by.rare.
Why do I lose my temper?
Because at home there are so many helplessness and unspeakable concealments.
In fact, in summary, I became a woman with a diminished vision, strong distortion, and a lazy life in a marriage. I feel bored every day except for work. I go home at two o’clock. I seem to be spinning around the sun and neverThere is no earth without rotation. Put yourself in a fixed position, like a dwelling bird guarding its own nest. Every day, I just know the little things around the house, wash clothes, cook, clean up the house, home.I go to Zhang Luo for major things, including decoration. If my husband does not return after work, I will stand in the corridor and look out the window and look forward to him returning home. Sometimes I wait too long and I countThe number of vehicles on the road is one or two hundred.
At that time, I was very reluctant for my husband to go on a business trip. If he said that he would travel far away, I felt that the days I waited at home were as good as the years. Every day I looked at the calendar with my fingers waiting for him to go home.Not far away, seeing things outside the family.
That’s how I was spending my time at that time, not reading, reading newspapers, no fun and pursuit, all day long, no friends and social activities, looking at my husband and son, always trying to tie them all togetherLive by yourself.
“Who am I” completely forgotten in my marriage?
What do I like and what should I do?
This is a complete loss and abandonment of the “self.”
In fact, I do n’t know my husband, I do n’t know what kind of man he is, I do n’t know what kind of world he is inside?
And I imagined him as a cheerful, humorous, magnanimous, kind husband from the subjective presumption. He is a perfect man in my mind, everything is taken for granted.
In marriage I am a blind and confident woman.
I’m blind to the nature of many people.
I was a careless woman and I didn’t notice any change in my husband’s relationship. I didn’t know the truth of the matter until he proposed a divorce to me. I also worked hard to save the marriage. I gave him half a year. At the beginning of January this year, I had the last personality with him. He said he did n’t want to turn back and just wanted to get out of the marriage and start a new life. IThe horse is determined: divorce!
Let him go, go his own way!
It ‘s very painful to talk about it, to give up your feelings, and to tear up a family that has worked hard for nearly two decades, but think about it from a rational perspective. There is no right or wrong about feelings.The fate lies in the emotion, if the fate is exhausted, everything will come to an end.
My thought is, indeed, how good this man is, and how excellent he is in other aspects. When he wants to leave you and want to leave his children and family, for you he has nothing worthy of nostalgia and regret.He went his own way, letting others go, that is, liberating himself, at least he could obtain the most precious hope of freedom and regeneration.
I do n’t want to say anything anymore, and in March of this year, just after the Spring Festival, I broke up with him very calmly.
When I walked out after signing the divorce agreement in the court, I stood on the steps in front of the court door, took a deep breath, and looked up at the blue sky.It’s the season of recovery, and I feel so relaxed!
The feeling at the time was: self-esteem, freedom, and relief feel good!
Cultivate my ability to live independently and solve problems. As I adjusted my emotions quickly, I became autonomous, independent, and confident in my life. My son and I lived in harmony and regularity.
Soon after the divorce, my son said to me, “Mom, don’t you think we live like this now?”
So divorce is not a terrible thing, depending on how you deal with it.
I think it is my own good mood that makes the child find a peaceful, peaceful and warm feeling at home.
I firmly believe that I will make my son grow into a mentally healthy and mature adult, and I will try to give him more and more complete love.
A middle-aged man said in a chat that I like women who can deal with problems independently, which is really great and admirable. Like my wife, I have to find me about big things and small things. If I do n’t care, it ‘s a messIt seems so troublesome.
He is very tired between words, is it reliable?
The end of my marriage led me to a new life.
I started to pay attention to self-cultivation. I felt that my thoughts were constantly evolving, and I felt a new feeling every day. The painful torture process increased the thickness and depth of my thoughts.
My current life belief is: in the second half of my life, I really live for myself once, who said that a woman has forty tofu residue?
Why don’t you let yourself go twice?
It ‘s not terrible for a woman to grow old, and a woman will grow old. The terrible thing is that your heart is old first. The greatest enemy of a person is himself. If you defeat yourself, you defeat the enemy.
I have to go my own way.
I like that sentence very much: don’t lose kindness, but don’t depend on anyone anymore, and don’t want to depend on anyone.